Me and Depression

Depression became a way of life starting in 1994, initiated by therapy to tackle PTSD issues, and remained that way for 9 long years. Hospital admissions, a myriad of medications, psychiatrists thought ECT treatments would help, however, they were ineffective, causing only long-term memory loss.

Depression, best known of all the mental illnesses, is difficult to endure, treat and it renders one feeling hopeless and helpless.   The best way I like to express depression is: “when you are able to actually touch the black, depressive fog between your fingertips; you identify that death is possibly nearby”.

I lost my career, income, my house close to foreclosure, all of my friends, several of my family members.  One family member (husband’s side) cut ties with my husband and me, fearful for his children due to my depression (perhaps he thought I was going to come at him with a knife?).   So, at Christmastime, my husband’s name appears on the card – mine is excluded.

Finally, a psychiatrist came along who placed me on a successful regimen of meds, and started me on the road to wellness.  I was able to return to the workforce and remained with the same company for 6 years, however, due to layoffs and coupled with depression and severe migraines once again, my career ended.

I still have periods of depression, but I believe it’s mainly due to the continuous pain of chronic migraines.  Every year they become worse, thereby, canceling social activities, traveling, and unfortunately becoming a recluse.  At least I have my blogs.

My husband of 38 years has been my rock and stood by me through all of this.

What I do deal with every day, though… mental illness stigma and I suppose you could add migraine stigma.