Posted in abuse, mental health, psychotherapy, PTSD

Words Can Hurt ~ Think before you speak

My mother is a narcissist.  Heartless words that spewed out of my mother’s mouth growing up remain with me to this day.  My mother’s own advice was “think before you speak”, yet somehow she never captured this wisdom and applied it to herself.  I believe my mom doesn’t regret any of her cruel words.

As for me, I’ve said some nasty words to people over the years that were hurtful, must have stung and I feel regretful, however, I’m wondering if it stems from my childhood?

The article below is from PsychCentral Embracing Balance, (written by Nicole Lyons):

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt Me.” is a little ditty that I have not and will not sing or say to my children — not ever. I understand the context of this children’s rhyme and the effect that it is supposed to have, throwing it out there is saying that the taunt has no effect and I’m choosing to ignore it and remain calm. While I agree with teaching my children to remain calm in situations where bullying can be present, this rhyme does absolutely nothing for their confidence and self-esteem because, in reality, it’s a lie — words hurt.

Continue reading “Words Can Hurt ~ Think before you speak”

Posted in abuse, mental health, psychotherapy

Do You Harbor Resentment?

Do you harbor some resentment?  I hate to confess I do; feeling embarrassed with a character flaw such as this, it becomes awkward to discuss.

Resentment, or the strong and painful bitterness you feel when someone does something wrong to you, doesn’t have actual physical weight, but it feels very heavy and can last a long time. Forgiveness is one way to get rid of resentment.  — Source: Vocabulary.com

Resentment can occur under any circumstances although some people’s resentments are deep-rooted, but the best example for me involved a work situation.

I recollect years ago, another woman and I were up for a similar promotion.  We weren’t chummy friends; so that didn’t enter the picture, however, we did work in the same department.  Both of us shared equal qualifications, and employed there longer than her, I assumed I would get the position hands down.  Well, guess what – I didn’t.

You know that reaction when they ultimately drop the bomb, you politely smile yet you are seething inside ready to secretly attack the winner! In retrospect, I was so cheesed off at myself for sitting there meekly accepting my loss and must have had the word “resentment” written on my forehead.

Other examples of resentment are from people who have made commitments to you and not followed through.  In some ways, I would resent the fact of being let down.

I feel resentment = bitterness = anger.  The anger I hold derives from my childhood growing up as the daughter of a narcissistic mother.  It’s easing as the years go by, yet it still leaves remnants to a degree, and it all boils down to resentment.

I’ve come to the realization that this resentment towards the people I am angry with has little or no effect on them.  It’s all me.  Easy to say, but what is the point of all this?  Letting go of resentment is easier said than done.

Hurt and blame enter this also.  Those are challenging emotions and mindsets that I’ve carried for years and tough issues to just toss into the garbage can. They seem to emerge, again and again, but everything appears to tie into PTSD and the depression I have struggled with for many years.

I also resent having a chronic illness.

 

Written and copyrighted by Deb McCarthy/2016

Originally posted on my blog “Living in Stigma