My mother is a narcissist. Heartless words that spewed out of my mother’s mouth growing up remain with me to this day. My mother’s own advice was “think before you speak”, yet somehow she never captured this wisdom and applied it to herself. I believe my mom doesn’t regret any of her cruel words.
As for me, I’ve said some nasty words to people over the years that were hurtful, must have stung and I feel regretful, however, I’m wondering if it stems from my childhood?
The article below is from PsychCentral Embracing Balance, (written by Nicole Lyons):
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt Me.” is a little ditty that I have not and will not sing or say to my children — not ever. I understand the context of this children’s rhyme and the effect that it is supposed to have, throwing it out there is saying that the taunt has no effect and I’m choosing to ignore it and remain calm. While I agree with teaching my children to remain calm in situations where bullying can be present, this rhyme does absolutely nothing for their confidence and self-esteem because, in reality, it’s a lie — words hurt.
I have said a lot of hurtful words to people, self-talk included, and they sting for a very long time. The thing about words is that once they’re out there you can’t take them back, you can back peddle and apologize until you’re blue in the face, but sometimes in the heat of the moment, vile things fly right past your filter and a whole can of sludge has just escaped your mouth. Remember that blog on conflict that I wrote? You can refresh here, as I need to do. But like anything, we can choose to behave and react in a way that is healthy rather than slinging mud at each other. Confession time, I slung a bunch of mud just last night and I feel filthy for it. While I believed I was completely justified in doing so (no one is ever justified in hurting someone else) the second the words were out of my mouth I wanted to take them back, and I couldn’t.
Article continues @
Originally written on my blog “Living in Stigma“